Singin' them ol' Junta Blues

You know, at times I have wondered if its possible, theoretically, to conceive of a junta of some sort running the United States. Apparently it just means "committee" and so we could term the Bolsheviks and the Paris Commune to have been juntas. For some reason, I think of military governments when I think of juntas, but maybe that's just because junta is a Spanish (or Portugese) word, and both Spain and Portugal, and many of their colonial states, have experience with rule by the military.

Hmm, so do the Greeks, but we don't have "epitrol" as a synonym for military governance.

Anyway, while of course I prefer the sound order of our constitutionally restrained federalist republican system of government, sometimes I wonder what a revolutionary committee might do.

And so---purely in the spirit of a thought experiment, mind you---if I was going to set up and run a revolutionary committee to "right the wrongs" of our (or their) society, what would I want to do?

First of all, I'll presuppose that the revolutionary committee would be composed of sincere patriots who were reluctantly exercising their Jeffersonian franchise in what they considered to be the best interest of the nation. (However we want to define nation.)

Yes, I realize that by presupposing that politicians are selflessly acting in the best interests, etc., etc., and not feathering their own nests and stroking their own ego, I really have put myself into the "thought experiment" realm.

So, then, the ol' Cossack is head of the Revolutionary Kilt Committee, dedicating to ensuring that American men show a little more leg. (THOUGHT EXPERIMENT, folks!)

I'd want to set forth what Republicans (under Clinton) used to call a "date certain," and what they now call a "surrender date." As a patriotic despot, I'd be looking forward to the day I could surrender.

So here's my draft proclamation:

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears. Before you stands me, proud patriot and reluctant tyrant. I have assumed full control of our national engines to correct various injustices, right certain wrongs and guide our (land/nation/government/people) in certain directions. I realize that this change from the settled routine inspires misgivings. Thus I wish to address you, and spell out my plans.

First point, I have seized power, and intend to hold power, for the course of ten years.

Second point, during these ten years I shall attempt to remake our society with as little killing as is necessary, although some will doubtless prove necessary.

Third point, at the expiry of this ten year period, I shall submit a referendum to the nation.

Subpoint a, in the event that the referendum disapproves of my rule, I shall resign office immediately to a caretaker committee composed of nine members, selected by and from the governors of these United States, and present myself to the International Court of Justice at the Hague for prosecution.

Subpoint b, in the event that the referendum approves of my rule, I shall resign office immediately to a caretaker council composed of nine members, selected by and from the governors of these United States and retire from public life.

Fourth point, I recognize that you retain your inalienable rights to overthrow me by force of arms and replace me with some other form of government.

(signed this day)

The Tyrant.

Sigh, I'd be such a bad tyrant.